Movie Review – Don’t Rob Sheds
As you arrived here on GamesBurp it may not have escaped your attention that we are a blog about games, and sometimes TV if there’s anything good on. Which there usually isn’t. Check out the post below and it seems like all the rules normal society abides by have gone straight to hell because oh my god that’s a movie right there, plain as the winnets in my anal beard. Cats will be sleeping with dogs, up will become down and so on.
I’ve decided to embrace it because really, I have a spare half hour, and isn’t that why we engage in most human activity these days?
Bam we’re straight into the action as a virgin homeowner becomes aware of a disturbance of some kind in his garden.
We know he is a virgin because he has what appears to be a Tin Tin box set on the shelf and that glass cabinet is almost certainly dressed with popular Sci-Fi memorabilia. The director takes us into the very psyche of the virgin, instead of merely giving us a ham fisted back story in dialogue, he simply shows us; alluding to the man’s past. Instead of investigating he heads directly for the gun. What has caused this man to act so paranoid? This man is prepared to take an armed conflict to a cat scrabbling around outside. He is clearly unstable or has experienced some kind of trauma of which he is unable to deal with.
The man checks his weapon and dons some RealD 3D light polarizing glasses for some reason, just to load a round into the chamber. In a master stroke the film makers have literally added new depth to this picture. It comments on the recent rush to 3D films by featuring the glasses in a 2D presentation, bending the fourth wall and subverting every subsequent 3D movie from now on. Forever. It also shows us that this character has a very stilted view of the world, he wears these 3D glasses to try to get some perspective, to try to find a new dimension to life in these extreme circumstances of a noise outside.
Here the plot blows wide open as we see that the virgin’s paranoia is justified and in this instance his over-reaction has possibly saved him the contents of his shed at the expense of human life. As stunned spectators we know that this only reinforces his actions and in crossing this line his condition can only worsen. A significant point to note is that after putting on 3D glasses to cock his gun, he decides to remove them en route to the door before confronting the threat. He does not want anything between him and his target he does not want his struggle to find depth in the universe to interfere in these next pivotal moments. He needs to see clearly.
Not content with giving us a flat antagonist, the director provides a fully fledged character as the catalyst for this story. He may be the most inept burglar in film, what motivates him to be this way? The answers enrich the screen. First he chooses to dress like a burglar, the only way he could look more like a thief is if he had a black and white striped top. He appears to either be trying to jemmy open a door which has no lock, or he is trying to force the door at a point away from the lock. Whichever it is he has somehow made enough noise to attract attention from the owner who was inside watching TV, by making no progress whatsoever. One thing is clear. The burglar wants to be caught. Whether wracked with guilt over a life of crime begging to be punished to atone for his sins, or simply a desperate man at the end of his tether, fed up with spending his days giving gloved hand jobs in return for a meal. Of semen.
The slow motion zoom is inching us into his eyes, daring us to be complicit in his punishment, but also putting us in the agonizing position of empathizing with him at the same time.
It is here the film pulls its masterstroke. Suddenly the virgin has his RealD 3D glasses back on. Is he sympathising with this hand jobbing burglar? Is he trying to quantify what he’s doing or put himself in the thief’s position. He’s conflicted and in the last seconds the truth is revealed as when he pulls the trigger, the glasses are gone. Did the glasses ever exist at all except in his mind? He’s a man with mixed concepts of reality and his skewed perspective cost the life of a man who is crying out for help, such is the tragic portrait laid out before us.
My favourite section though is the last 20 seconds, comprising more than a full third of the finished movie. It is a tour de force performance as we are artfully treated to a sombre and reflective stillness. Simple black and white as the heartbreaking red of murder is still etched across our eyes emphasises the brutality as it extends for a near uncomfortable length (a problem I don’t have. Call me, ladies) of time.
Again the director shows the mastery he has over his craft by once more subverting modern film culture. Mocking the studio race to get films out on DVD and Blu-Ray so soon after a theatrical release, he beats the studios to the punch by releasing the completed motion picture as its own trailer. There is no direction he cannot take us.
As a man built more for comfort than speed myself I was able to relate to the characters on a personal level and cannot wait for the inevitable prequel “Chubby Crimespree: Man at Large” exploring the mechanics of heisting your own life towards a tragic end.
Above all as I went for a post movie urination I was left with the impression of a small, wonderfully crafted, intimately shaped and underappreciated piece of work. When my thoughts turned back to the film I felt the message pounding in my head. Indeed I was discouraged to rob sheds. But even the title is used like a cinematic vernacular for this man, it means many things.
Primarily the obvious message” Do Not Rob a Shed”. Then it could be referring to either one of the men whose name could be “Rob Sheds”. So it may be “Don’t (burgle anymore), Rob Sheds” or “Don’t (shoot), Rob Sheds”.
There are likely many layers I am missing from what I can say is truly the most compelling feature film of this afternoon.
Professor-Robot
cheliosgamer
